WASHINGTON, WA. - After much criticism and suffering through his lowest numbers in public support, President Bush has decided to reactivate the country’s greatest heroes - G.I. Joe.

“My name is George W Bush, and I approve this call to active duty to our country’s greatest protector: GI Joe. We are facing an enemy worse than Cobra or even that Serpentor dude. Man was he evil.”

The Joe’s have fallen on rough times after the 1995 fall of The Cobra organization, as many of them have either moved on, or have become complacent. Most notably, the ninja soldier “Snake Eyes” had gained so much weight, he was renamed “Jelly Rolls” by the men.

When reached for comment, Snake Eyes had this to say:
“……..”

In 1997, an attempt was made to introduce new blood into the force. They started a disasterous recruitment drive that only had hundreds of young college aged men show up for. Unfortunately once they had heard that Lady Jaye, Scarlett, and Cover Girl had all left the force and was suing the army for sexual harassment, they all quickly dropped out.

But all that has apparently changed now there is a new enemy to be faced. Earlier this week, reporters were shown around the base and were given the rare opportunity to monitor several gruelling drills such as running away from laser bullets but never getting hit, escaping from a jetplane via a parachute at exactly the last moment before a missle hit it, and the “YO JOE!” screaming class.

When asked for a comment from the Chief Gunner Roadblock, he groovily quipped, “I’m gonna eat me some grits, then im gonna stomp me some terrorists!!!! Hey hey, if they don’t like that sound, too bad cuz Roadblock gonna put some terrorists DOWWWN.”

Unfortunately, there has already been a death in the wake of this announcement as the Joe known as “Bazooka” became so excited about being reinstated, that he began running around his living room, tripped and shot his bazooka at himself. He leaves behind his life partners Alpine and Shipwreck and several used bags of chewing gum.

Filed under: Funny, TV | March 4th, 2008

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